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THE PEOPLE TO BLAME FOR THIS ONE
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Noel Donnellon
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Christianna Brand
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Emma Thompson
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THE FORMULAIC EXPECTED PLOT AS TAKEN FROM THE PREVIEW
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Colin Firth's wife just died and he has to take care of his umpteen kids. They keep dropping nannies left and right, 17 in fact. Along comes Mary P...er Nanny McPhee. They find out she is a witch. The evil aunt (Lansbury) wants to make them work and separates them. They use the help of Nanny McPhee's magic to reak havok and learn a lesson while doing it, I think.
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THE IF-STUDIO-HAD SOME-BALLS-AND SURPRISED-US-WITH -ORIGINALITY PLOT
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Colin Firth needs help. Nanny McPhee comes into the picture. Colin falls in love with McPhee, someone who doesn't fit into Hollywood's version of what looks good. The kids accept her as a witch, they also blackmail her into doing their homework and if she doesn't they will show their dad the wonderful world of Hooters.
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DID YOU NOTICE DURING THE PREVIEW?
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That the beginning of the preview showed a book being opened? Angela Lansbury is in this movie? Do you get the connection?
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT
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Emma Thompson wrote the screenplay for this, last time she wrote a movie screenplay she won an Oscar for it. I think we have a lock for '07 BABY! Make sure I get a cut of your Oscar pool winnings.
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THE MESSAGE THIS MOVIE SENDS
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SNEEK PEEK PICS
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What extras will be on this? Watch the transformation of Emma from average to horrofic. That's 6 min of extras (Sorry, had to do it).
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This will probably make more money in DVD sales then the theater. I think that might be a good thing as long as it doesn’t encourage another theatrical release. Maybe a string of straight to video sequels would be okay.
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DVD SALES RECOMMENDATION
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To keep Emma Thompson working but to avoid any theatrical sequels, let’s recommend DVD sales of $10 million.
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SEE THESE INSTEAD
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Mary Poppins, Mrs. Doubtfire, Harry Potter (you pick which one).
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Sense and Sensibility, The Remains of the Day, (Emma Fans)
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WHAT IS IT LIKE?
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Mary Poppins, Mrs. Mom, Murder She Wrote (never forget the book), E.T., Eight is Enough.
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HOW IS IT BETTER?
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Take the best parts of those movies, and add CGizzzzI. C'mon, this is 2006, you know a cane has got mad earthquake light waves coming out of it. And do you like green slime? I don't know, EXACTLY!
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WARNING SIGNS
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THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC
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1) It's going to be a franchise, so might as well see the first one.
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2) Emma Thompson can act, and has that Oscar as well.
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3) Angela Lansbury comes out of retirement (TV and voice acting doesn't count). The last movie we saw her in was The Company of Wolves.
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4) Did I mention CGI-aided hjinks?
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5) Remember Waking Ned Devine? Looks like the director came out of retirement as well.
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REASONS NOT TO SEE IT
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1) Snoozeapalooza.
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Again, this is geared towards kids. Will an adult with normal intelligence find this interesting? Doesn't even look like there is any eye candy to go pull one out in the handicapped stall during the hinjinks.
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2) Isn't something better playing at the movies?
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Ok, there is no reason that this movie should be seen unless you have a kid. This is not a date movie, the only reason why you should be in the theater without a kid would be that Big Momma's House 2 was sold out, and the only reason Big Momma's House 2 is sold out was because there are only two screens at that theater. C'mon people, as Quato said, "Open your mind." Both Bubble and Manderlay open this week in limited release, hopefully you could see one of these. Don't forget about those award winning movies either, Oscar nom's come out Jan 31st. You know how all the people at work would love you when you told them you saw all 5 nominees for Best Picture.
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3) Haven't I seen this before?
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Maybe. First off, these are based on the Nurse Matilda book series. As soon as I heard that I thought, "Great! Another story of rags to riches mom needing money for her kids so let's make up a story and make dollaz." Then I did the research, these books came out a long time ago. I think they were third in line off Guttenburg's first press. I can't get an actual date because records are sketchy pre-1990. Someone needs to go back in time and invent an internet that started around 1000 B.C.
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Ok, so maybe you haven't read the books. Isn't this like Mary Poppins? Yes and no. Maybe we should go over the facts:
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A) They are both about Nannies.
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B) They are both English.
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C) Both have shots involving taking a spoonful of medicine. (One uses CGizzI, can you guess which one?)
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I could go on and on, but these are resons NOT to see the movie. Making it sound like an 0Sickle (06) Poppins might draw more peanuts than Charles Schultz.
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4) Isn't this supposed to be a comedy?
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The preview didn't have much funny. A little slapstick with some cake and frosting antics. Maybe they are pressing the magic angle, but there wasn't much of that either.
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IS IT WORTH $10?
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Not a chance. Think about it, average family, friday night movie with popcorn, drinks and candy, you are out $1500. Might as well blow it at your local strip joint, but Nanny does have nicer looking teeth.
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BOX OFFICE RECOMMENDATION
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It's hard to tell with this preview, but with the kids factor it could hit high and then the sequels come a flowin'.
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But, we don’t want to deal with another franchise of sequels. So let’s aim for $40 million.
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This way Emma Thompson gets to work again, Colin Firth maybe doesn’t and Nanny McPhee rests in Nanny Peace.
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HOLLYWOOD LESSON LEARNED
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Movies for children make money, hopefully this won't be the case.
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Hollywood will always try to Dr. Frankenstien the creative process and stich together to previously successful movie concepts into one that seems original and new just to rake in the Box Office.
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DO THIS INSTEAD
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Play the waiting game with your kids.
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Here is how it works, they want to see Nanny McPhee. Tell them they can only see one movie before school ends for the year. Then tell them there is this fantastic movie coming out very soon called Curious George. Go to the library and get them a book about it (don't worry, your library won't have any Nurse McPhee books). Then when Curious George comes out in two weeks tell them about Dr. Doolittle 3, then Doogal, repeat until Harry Potter 7.
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TOTAL LIFE TIME SAVED
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97 min movie + 12 min previews + the '20' = 2Hours, 9 min.
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Don't forget, one minute of kids yelling on the way to the theater feels like five minuts.
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This could be seen over and over on DVD, espically if your kid likes it. Let's just round up, 20 hours.
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TOTAL = 24 predicted hours of your life saved by not seeing this movie.
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BUT, BUT...
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This is Oscar winner Emma Thompson. This is MTV Movie Award nominee Colin Firth (Best Kiss, Bridget Jones' Diary).
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RE-BUT-BUT-BUTTAL
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Been there, done that.
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$34 Million budget. What a waste of money. Please, go see something else.
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Want more negative points? Read this page again.
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