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The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
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From the Writers of:
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Hercules: The Legendary Journeys
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THE FORMULAIC EXPECTED PLOT AS TAKEN FROM THE PREVIEW
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The movie opens with the climax of a “mission impossible.”
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Cruise and company complete the mission and laugh about it as explosions roar in the background.
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While on a little R&R Cruise gets a message, probably in an IMF I-Pod - PRODUCT TIE IN! - about his next target...Hoffman!
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Hoffman is a bad guy who is doesn’t like Cruise so he’s going to try to kill him with guns and bombs while undoubtedly trying to successfully complete a robbery, act of terrorism and or world annihilation.
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Hoffman “makes it personal” by threatening the person Cruise loves.
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Cruise isn’t going to stand for that so he fights back IMF style!
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Explosions, gunfire and gadgetry ensue.
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By movie’s end the “impossible” odds have been overcome by Cruise and company.
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The last scene is Cruise receiving a message for his next mission, “Mr. Hunt, if you choose to accept this misssion...” cue the theme song!
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Get ready for the fourquel!
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THE IF-STUDIO-HAD SOME-BALLS-AND SURPRISED-US-WITH -ORIGINALITY PLOT
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Paramount Pictures writes a memo to J.J. Abrams that reads, “Do whatever the fu#k you want!”
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DID YOU NOTICE DURING THE PREVIEW?
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT
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Also, if you are a spy, don’t answer your phone, because, most likely, it’s a call from work.
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SEE THESE INSTEAD
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Actually see this movie! It’s TMPC recommended!
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But, if you don’t plan on seeing this, try these movies instead:
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DO THIS INSTEAD
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Actually see this movie! It’s TMPC recommended!
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But, if you really would rather do something else, try this:
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Write a note that details a complicated mission filled with mystery and danger.
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For example, “Go to the phone booth at 63rd and Division, open the phone book there to page 845, there will be a circled name. Call that number and ask for Tweetie, when Tweetie answers you will say ‘ meow’, hang up and buy a burger at the McDonald’s across the street. Take one bite and go to the bathroom. There you will find a newspaper, open it to page 26 and you will find an address highlighted, take the bus to that address, do not notify the authorities, tell your friends or phone your mommie.”....
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Make it so you end up back at your place of residence with a note on the door in your own handwriting that reads, “Happy Birthday. You totally like that movie The Game so this was a cheaper version.”
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Spend time putting all the clues in place. Once ready, karate chop yourself in the back of your neck. This should knock you out and erase any memory of the last 24 hours.
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When you wake up, you will receive a phone call setting your plan in motion. If you’re wondering, the person calling is the gas station attendant you paid $10.
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Enjoy solving the mission!
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TOTAL LIFE INVESTED
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120 minutes viewing the movie.
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15-30 minutes viewing the commercials and previews.
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30-60 minutes round trip travel time.
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$10 x 2 tickets, Popcorn, Soda, gas and babysitting fees total divided by hourly rate of pay equals totals amount of life time saved.
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Let’s say a total of = 6hrs
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THE POSTER FOR THIS MOVIE MAKES ME THINK...
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“Tom Cruise is in the movie.”
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“It’s coming out May 5th 2006.”
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“To bad this movie didn’t come out last year, then the release date would have been 05.05.05! They could have worked that into the movie somehow - you missed your chance you movie studio people.”
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“I should go to the mission impossible website to find out more information about this exciting new movie.”
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“That match is sparking explosions that could blow up the world! The world’s in the background and there’s a sparking match in front of it - run for cover! Duck! It’s gonna blow! Help!”
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“M:i:III is confusing to some people and when I’m waiting for the buss or at the movie theater and I hear some people looking at the poster saying, ‘What is M:i:III?’ I laugh to myself and say to me with my inside voice, which usually talks in a whisper ‘welcome to planet earth’ but then I say to these pop culture cavepeople ‘That means Mission Impossible 3. There are 2 other movies about Imposssible Missions.’ I like being ‘in the know’.”
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THE “IF THIS MOVIE BANGED THAT MOVIE” PITCH
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“Mission Impossible & Alias - M:i:III.”
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THE CONCEPT
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Tom Cruise + Mission Impossible Franchise which has grossed over $400 million domestically so far + J.J. Abrams who sh#ts audience attracting ideas = $$$$....pretty good concept.
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WHAT IS IT LIKE?
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HOW IS IT BETTER?
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It will be better than M:i:I and M:i:II because the twists and plot won’t take a team of NASA scientists and Deep Blue to make sense of, and there won’t be any Doves and gratuitous double gun shootouts.
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In the spirit of Felicity, Alias and Lost is will have strong, beautiful, deadly yet complex human female characters.
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Not only does it have Ving Rhames, it also has Laurence Fishburne and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
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WARNING SIGNS
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THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC
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REASONS TO SEE IT
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You’ve waited 6 years for this threequel.
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PROOF FROM THE PREVIEW THE MOVIE’S WORTH SEEING
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#1
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EX
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#2
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-PL
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#3
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-OS
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#4
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-IO
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#5
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-NS!
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#6
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Yes, Tom is about to slide under a curving, moving gas tanker truck!
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#7
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Yes, Tom is sliding down a glass building shooting bad guys!
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#8
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Yes, That little black spot is Tom jumping off a building without a rope or parachute or anything! That’s awesome.
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#9
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Yes, Tom is jumping over a fire spewing cavern in the highway. Looks better than Speed.
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#10
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Girls can kick ass. Maggie Q, yes that’s her real name, check the credits, can wear high heels, then use them to kick guys in the face.
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#11
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Philip Seymour Hoffman is a bad ass! Look at the saliva webbing between his teeth! That’s called acting!
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#12
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Laurence “Morpheus” Fishburne is in it. Nuff said.
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#13
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Ving “Marsellus Wallace” Rhames is in it. Nuff said part 2.
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PROOF FROM THE PREVIEW THE MOVIE’S NOT WORTH SEEING
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#1
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Never seen this before - the wick is burning! Excitement! Explosions!
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Time to extinguish this tired trademark.
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#2
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This is a lot to promise. It’s full of cliche advertising marketing bullsh#t. Everything is the “Ultimate” or “The Best” or “Hang on for the thrill ride of your life!”
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Does this mean that there won’t be a part 4? Because if this is the “Ulitmate” mission what could the next movie be? The “Penultimate Mission”?
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#3
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How did this behind the scenes footage of the gang playing around between takes get into the preview?
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#4
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Retina scan? Come on dude! Didn’t War Games do this in 1983? It was done best buy Demolition Man in 1993.
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If you can’t top eye ball on scalpel don’t even try.
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It’s a real nice close up, but why even bother, when you can pay for your groceries with retina scan, the novelty is officially over.
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#5
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Trick masks - hmmm, where have we seen that before? Mission Impossible part one! And, this is a shot right out of Darkman.
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#6
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Hot cars and hot women! This is sooo cliche! Welcome back to the 80’s! Is this a Duran Duran video?
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#7
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Officially overusing a gadget. It’s only the preview and already there’s two scenes of people pushing buttons to blow stuff up.
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Granted, this shot of Tom with crazy goggles on seems very 12 Monkeys-ish and is semi-cool, but come on, let’s not over use this low tech.
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#8
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Tom looking mean and pissed on the cell phone. Don’t really buy it. Did he just hear the Box Office numbers for War of the Worlds? Or maybe he found out that Katie gave birth to a girl?
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BUT, BUT...
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It’s going to be the same old spy action movie formula. You get the mission, think this person is the bad guy but then learn that the person you thought was one of the good guys is a bad guy.
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It can’t be that different.
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RE-BUT-BUT-BUTTAL
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TMPC has faith that his one is going to have some good surprises.
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There’s already great action as seen in the preivew, so at least audiences won’t be disappointed on the genre level.
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